Thursday, March 18, 2010
Monday, March 8, 2010
I met Mr. Say What at a local area lounge. Our initial conversation was brief but he was cute so I figured why not when he asked me for my phone number. Let’s just say that this dude has not mastered the fine art of conversation, and it is indeed an art. We played phone tag for a few weeks before we finally got together Sunday afternoon for lunch. He was late, which a huge no-no in my book as I am always on time. When he walked in my first thought was “okay nice looking” and then he sat down and the first question out his mouth was “so you really looking for somebody?” At which point I was like ‘Say What’ shouldn’t we at least get to dessert before you ask those types of questions. Needless to say this dude had absolutely no conversation what so ever. I thought to myself there is no way I could spend large amounts of time with you I need someone who can stroke me mental as well as physically. We ended up making small talk over the rest of the meal. When we parted ways we hugged and mentioned speaking later but I seriously doubt that will happen. His conversational skills were just not up to par for me. Something about him was just a little off. I can’t put my finger on exactly what it is but something just ain’t right with Mr. Say What, he was little to fidgety wasn’t making direct eye contact and I think he was having trouble doing basic math…so once again it’s on to the next one. I need some prayer cause I hope I find him soon.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Sunday, February 21, 2010
I went out with Mr. Hook Up again this weekend. The snow storms made it hard for us to get together after our first date. First we had dinner at his place, he made pasta and I made dessert. We listened to music and made conversation while we ate. He is a big music lover and I thought this would be a great chance to introduce him to a few artists that I really like that I knew he hadn’t heard of. It was a great connection point for the two of us. Overall it was real chill the food was good and then we were off to see Chrisette Michelle. So all in all this should have been a great date, emphasis on SHOULD. While we were at the venue waiting for her to hit the state there were a lot of long breaks in conversation. This was a bit awkward and I had to keep the conversation rolling. I know I need a man that can pick up the conversation sometimes and carry it along but I don’t think that is his thing. On the ride home the conversation did pick up a bit as the topic was dating and our past mistakes. After the concert we went back to his place so I could pick my car and I just knew that he was getting my kiss or something. And you know what I got nada not even a hug. I was really confused, like really no hug all night long and no kiss. I questioned if we had chemistry but I was trying to wait until he kissed me before I passed judgment. At this point I doubt that we do and I don’t see the two of us hanging out together again. I refuse to be the aggressor, I believe a man should be a man and if he is so scared of rejection that he can’t make the first move then he isn’t the guy for me. Oh well my quest for a kiss continues,I wonder how many dates I will have to go through before I get my first kiss? Hmmm. So as Jigga would say I guess it’s on to the next one.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Disclaimer * I am not saying we should settle for Mr. Good Enough* I just thought the video clip was interesting and something to take a look. I like to get all the perspective I can during this journey so check it and see what you think.
Friday, February 5, 2010
My random thought of the day: How soon do you discuss deal breakers? If you know something about someone that is a potential deal breaker when should you bring it up? I think it should be done before you feel yourself starting to fall for him/her, then again should you just let things naturally develop and give it a chance? This idea popped up in my mind as I just went out with someone with a hint of potential and I don't want to get all lost in the sauce just to come to the realization that I need something he just can't provide. Hmmmm...
Monday, February 1, 2010
A 26 year old African American male, that works full time in finance. Recently single after a three year relationship.
If you have any questions you would like to ask please add them below and I will add them to next week’s list.
1. What attracts you to a woman?
Open-ness, non-stressful, not too emotional, sexuality, most important...an interest in me.
2. What do you think about a woman who puts out "too quickly"?
Not a thing...that doesnt mean anything, that just means she is very open with her sexuality...or could be that she is really just interested in the guy. I dont look into that too much.
3. Why do you think men cheat?
Self control issues and/or missing something.
4. Do you believe once a cheater always a cheater?
NOT AT ALL...i believe there is a particular reason for cheating and its not genetic so it can be changed.
5. What is the most important thing a man needs in a relationship?
6. Do you think about marriage?
Sure, who doesnt it.
7. What do you dislike about women?
Stubbornness, TOO TOO emotional (i can understand some) but that whole not letting stuff go, and being stuck in a certain mindframe about stuff
8. What was your most perfect relationship and what made it perfect?
Hmm...good one..I cant necessarily explain that because I dont consider any relationship I have had to be perfect or I would still be in it.
9. Why do you think so many black women are single?
Not looking at the right dudes.. radars are not working properly to give the right dudes a chance...again, also, stubbornness
10. What makes a healthy relationship to you?
Compromise, willingness to accept, willingness to let go, attentiveness, attention to each other, trust, honesty, HAPPINESS
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Friday, January 22, 2010
I have to admit I was a little apprehensive about my first time out the gate while embarking upon this experiment. We went to a dinner lounge in our neighborhood last night. When I walked in the door he already had two drinks in his hands and neither one was for me. He’s a decent looking guy, with a little work I think I he could be handsome. We decided to sit at the bar, which is great for a first date because if things aren’t going well it’s an easy out. Conversation started out pretty good then took a turn for the worse. I will admit that I am a head strong person with lots of opinions, this is the number one reason I shouldn’t date lawyers – they like to argue. Now you don’t have to agree with me on everything I am fine with agreeing to disagree and finding a more pleasant topic. I tried this method several times and he just kept getting stuck on certain issues. Eventually the conversation got back on track and we ended up talking longer than I thought we would.
He stepped out to take a smoke break, which left little ole me sitting at the bar all alone. While he was out another gentleman walked in saw me at the bar, made some small talk and gave me his business card. I informed him that I was on a date but that I was indeed single and free to see whomever I want. I am going to give him a call today because I have a long way to 30.
Overall it was a decent outing but I doubt we will go out again. There really wasn’t any real chemistry and to be honest I think he smokes and drinks a little more than I am comfortable with. So I guess it’s on to the next one.
Oh yeah and I forgot to mention the highlight of the date – I saw Gary Williams at the bar!! I walked in like holy smokes is that Gary Williams? If you wonder why I was so excited, I went to Univ of Maryland College Park and the year we won the championship was my senior year. My boy GW took us all the way. GOOO TERPS.
Monday, January 18, 2010
I stepped way outside my comfort zone on this one. The girls and I ventured out on a rainy afternoon to a sports bar. We figured it would be a great way to start cultivating our leads. The sports bar turns out to be a perfect place to meet men. For many reasons, the male to female ratio is about 5:1, another plus is actually knowing something about sports. I was cheering when a false start was called on the opposing team and when the team was first and ten,... from me cheering I noticed more guys noticing me. (Some were shocked I was cheering against their team..*side note my team won!) I believe knowing about the game set us apart from the other women who were just walking around to get noticed.
I saw a guy sitting at the bar and I asked the waitress for a piece of paper and a pen. So I wrote my name and number on the paper along with a short message (per the advice of Spidey Senses) the message said "next time WE should meet here." I gave the waitress instructions; "If he is wearing a ring or with the woman sitting beside him do not give him the note" and off see went on my mini mission. She gave him the note and said I was the woman sitting in the gray and he sent word back with her.. He told her to tell me "That sounds like a plan."
I continued talking to the girls and laughing and I noticed out of the corner of my eye him approaching my table. I made sure that before I locked eyes with him I gave a very feminine laugh, showing all of my teeth and my one dimple :) He comes to my side and engages me in a conversation, telling me his name and he appreciated my note. The entire time I have strong eye contact with him, I am listening to what he is saying and I am leaning into him and even touching his arm with my hand in a playful way. I gave off the impression that I was not only interested, I was warm and a good listener. We talk for about 10 minutes and he noticed the girls putting on their coats and decides to break the conversation. He tells me "I'm sure we will talk later." and he extends his hand for a handshake and I lean in and give him a hug. About 30 mins later I receive a text message that said "Your hugs are amazing..OMG!"
That night he gives me a call and we talk for 3 1/2 hours! The conversation flowed through politics, relationships, work, goals and friendships. He was an attractive man, wore glasses that were BCBG, very clean cut facial hair, nicely dressed at the sports bar, bald head. I asked him how old he was and he told me 42..which I was surprised being that I had pegged him at 35 or 36. He stated that he worked out at least 4 times a week, vacations alot, lives a healthy lifestyle and he does not smoke. Please note this difference in age is OUTSIDE of my comfort zone.
He explains to me that most of his friends are married and their wives keep them on a short chain. I ask him to explain. Apparently the men were dishonest in their relationships, in turn the women don't allow them to go out hence why he was at the sports bar alone. He says that the women are insecure in their relationships and this insecurity pushes the husbands towards dishonesty again because there is no breathing in the relationship. I must admit this was an interesting concept.
I asked him why he was single and he goes on to explain that women that he has dated in the past work very hard to get his attention and affection and when they feel they sealed the deal does not do the things they should in order to keep their man happy. So they no longer do the things that they USE to do to get them and apparently this is important in order to keep them. He is also waiting for Love.
Before the conversation ended for the night he asked me if I was interested in getting together tomorrow for lunch. Typically I would say no, in the past I never made myself too available for a guy. Since I am traveling outside my comfort zone I agreed to meet for lunch. So he told me he would text me before noon to let me know where. The next day as promised he texted me before noon to make sure I was still interested in going to eat, and what time I would be available. We agreed to meet around 2ish. I was of course late and I parked and noticed that I parked next to him. He was driving a shiny black Mercedes with sunglasses on and looked pretty cool. So he came around the driver side of my car and opened my door and we walked in together. I noticed that he was much more figgity than the day before. During lunch he revisited some of the conversations from last night and elaborated on it, and I also found out he had a child that lived in another state (another comfort zone test) I kept cool and listened to some stories about his family. I think speaking in detail before going out was helpful because we had alot to talk about. I also noticed during the date that his eye contact wasn't as strong as the day before. Alot of his picky tendencies began to show (he was a self proclaimed neat freak.) As we were leaving he opened the doors and walked me to my car and I gave him a hug and we talked a little bit in very close physical proximity. He gave me a kiss (no tongue) and he smiled and kept talking while rubbing my hand. He was very attentive the entire time. He asked me what I was doing later, and offered for me to come over before going back home to relax. I declined, stating that I had to get back home to prepare for the next day. I think it is too early for "home visits"...This one will likely have a repeat date..(which does not count towards the other 29 dates) so stay tuned for more Barbie and Mr. Barbie's Dream Car adventures.
Welcome to our first installment of Ask A Man Monday’s
Each and every Monday we will be interviewing a man to get his feedback on various topics. If you have any questions you would like to ask please add them below and I will add them to next week’s list. Since this is the first post we’ll keep it light and just get some general information. The lucky man this week is Robert. He is in his mid twenties and in a committed relationship.
What qualities do you look for in a woman?
The woman I’m currently dating is an excellent mother (important to me because I love kids), giving, nice, fun, humorous, outgoing, easy conversation, she is really someone I can myself happy with.
The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
Let me be honest it’s looks beyond that I’m an ass man so it’s the first thing I check out. The hair thing doesn’t really bother me, as long as it’s well kept. No weave at all, I can’t stand a woman with fake hair.
What turns you off during an initial interaction with a woman?
Asking what I do for a living off the break. It’s the equivalent of asking how much I make. Don’t ask, I will volunteer that info during our conversation. It shouldn’t come up to quick.
Anything you would like to add about the social experiment we are embarking on?
There are plenty of men out there and I hate hearing women complain ‘oh there are no good men out there that’s why I am single’ when that is not the fact. Honestly it usually an issue with you. I’m glad you are going to give people a chance; if you keep the door open then someone can come in. Getting out there and giving men a chance is the first step.
Friday, January 15, 2010
A little background: in 2008 I took it upon myself to set out on the dating scene to try and find “The One”. As you can probably tell from the fact that I am doing this blog, I didn’t find him. The experience allowed me to realize what I wanted out of a relationship. I had some really high moments and some extremely low ones but nevertheless, I learned a lot about men and myself in the process.
If I had to pick three words that describe me they would be: organized, focused and humorous. Lately, I have let school take all the focus in my life, and I know that is not healthy. With that, I have decided to delve into this new experience and change the way I’ve been doing things.
I like the idea of the comfort zone divas because when it comes to dating, my comfort zone is as narrow as narrow can be. I date the same exact type of man each and every time. Trust me when I say he is the same guy, from the way he looks, to his personality, to the type of job he has. It’s kind of scary. This time around, I want to look beyond my comfort zone and give someone who I would normally over-look a chance.
I plan to accomplish the goal of getting 30 dates my pushing myself to go out twice a week, and once a month I have to try something new. I’m going to be trying new activities because I’ve come to the conclusion that if you keep doing the same things you will get the same results.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Unlike many women I also acknowledge and embrace my faults, anything is bound to roll out of my mouth at any time. LOL. I say exactly what I mean, I do exactly what I want to do and I know exactly where I am going in life. TO THE TOP! I am the typical type A, shot caller, overly confident as in I am my number one fan. I've been successful in every aspect of my life for the exception of relationships. I feel that I am a part of that 42% of Professional African American women that will never get married. I, like so many other women search for my IBM (Ideal Black Man) I had a crazy criteria where he couldn't be older than a certain age, he couldn't be shorter than a certain height, he couldn't have any children, and so on and so forth. I am throwing my check list out the window and going with my instinct that mother nature embedded in each woman on this planet. I am going to be more open about dating older men, outside of my race and giving a chance to the guy that I normally wouldn't. The only two items left on my check list is consistency and balance.
So why now? Why this experiment? Well that is simple.. You miss what you never had. I hope that my posts will be an inspiration to women, especially those with fuller figures and those professional women who may find it hard to step away from the paperwork and step into dating with an option of love. I think society should begin wrapping their minds around the fact that women can do it all, we can be career women, mothers, wives, best friends and advocates 365 days of the year.
I assure you, my posts will be entertaining with a certain level of comedic value. LOL. My life is one big story book.. feel free to flip through.
Fully Equipped Barbie
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Often as women we find articles and professionals that tell US what we need to do in order to attract, date, attain, and marry the man of our dreams. Well what about the guys? What do THEY need to know about us to attract, date, attain and marry us?
As we step out of our comfort zone we will boldly experience interracial dating, dating the man with children, throwing away our checklist of our ideal perfect man, dating older men, and so on to find what everyone in this world needs...Love.
You can follow each woman's dating experience through our self identifying names in each title.
Please feel free to leave us feedback, and questions!
Questions for us? Email us at DivasofComfortZone@gmail.com