Camera Ready: Mr. Hook Up - Take 2

I went out with Mr. Hook Up again this weekend. The snow storms made it hard for us to get together after our first date. First we had dinner at his place, he made pasta and I made dessert. We listened to music and made conversation while we ate. He is a big music lover and I thought this would be a great chance to introduce him to a few artists that I really like that I knew he hadn’t heard of. It was a great connection point for the two of us. Overall it was real chill the food was good and then we were off to see Chrisette Michelle. So all in all this should have been a great date, emphasis on SHOULD. While we were at the venue waiting for her to hit the state there were a lot of long breaks in conversation. This was a bit awkward and I had to keep the conversation rolling. I know I need a man that can pick up the conversation sometimes and carry it along but I don’t think that is his thing. On the ride home the conversation did pick up a bit as the topic was dating and our past mistakes. After the concert we went back to his place so I could pick my car and I just knew that he was getting my kiss or something. And you know what I got nada not even a hug. I was really confused, like really no hug all night long and no kiss. I questioned if we had chemistry but I was trying to wait until he kissed me before I passed judgment. At this point I doubt that we do and I don’t see the two of us hanging out together again. I refuse to be the aggressor, I believe a man should be a man and if he is so scared of rejection that he can’t make the first move then he isn’t the guy for me. Oh well my quest for a kiss continues,I wonder how many dates I will have to go through before I get my first kiss? Hmmm. So as Jigga would say I guess it’s on to the next one.

And scene.

Fully Equipped Barbie: Date #2: Mr. Back then you didn't want me, Now I'm hot they all on me.

 

Facebook is truly something else. Facebook is the social networking tool that allows you to reconnect with long lost relatives, high school friends, coworkers, and college buddies. Well, facebook hooks up dates as well because that is how my number 2 reconnected with me. We knew each other from high school, we weren’t really close, or didn’t even talk much as I recall. I knew him from knowing his friend and it was nothing more than that. He had been on my friend list for a long time. I don’t even remember adding him, just remembered his face from high school and accepted the request maybe a year or so ago.  Over the past year I had been adding my professional images to the site in its own little album. I knew the album drove a lot of traffic because as I traveled to see friends or go to events such as weddings people would come up to me and comment on how they loved my pictures..even if they never made a formal comment on a specific picture. Well one morning at work I was having a HORRIBLE start to my day and I received a message from number 2 that was very sweet and sincere. I replied very simply telling him I appreciated him stopping by my page and most importantly showing me a little love. I got a little curious about him and checked out his page. I saw that he was in a long term relationship.  Like Jill Scott said she was “cute but not as fine as me though.” LOL About a week later he requested my BBM pin and I gave it to him and we started messaging each other. The conversations were very generic at first then more in detail later on. About 3 weeks ago he BBM’d me stating he just broke up with his girl. I told him I was sorry to hear that and let me know if he ever needed someone to talk to.  He went away on travel for work and began texting me more so I asked him to call me one night. I was curious as to who he had become since high school. That night we chatted on the phone for a long time. He works in finance, no children, in his 20s, and is what I call a “Chubby Chaser” meaning he only dates plus size women. Our conversations over the two weeks were very smooth, we chatted about everything from our likes and dislikes, family to relationships and everyday situations.  I was extremely comfortable talking to him, and I often lost track of time. While he was away on travel for work we talked every night and often throughout the day.

He returned home two days before Valentine’s Day, he wanted to meet up and go out the night before Valentine’s Day and I agreed. I told him I would meet him close to his house and switch cars to go wherever. I got into his neighborhood and called to let him know where I was parked in less than 5 minutes he was calling me back asking where I was parked and which car was mine. I got out of my car and into his and gave him a big hug. He was smiling ear to ear.  As I hugged him I noticed there was a red bag with a bow on it in the back seat but I didn’t say anything. We then went to the movies, during the car ride there wasn’t much silence, the air was filled with laughing and conversation. He was a complete gentleman, asking me if I was comfortable, opening doors, and he paid for everything. After the movies we went to a restaurant to eat. He suggested different drink options and even asked for some controllers so we can participate in the electronic trivia game. We played 3 rounds of trivia and I found out that we were both competitive. (I won two of the three rounds of trivia) He paid for dinner and afterward we went to a lounge to enjoy some music and more drinks. We laughed and danced and overall had a great time. As he was driving me back to my car I felt extremely calm and still the conversation flowed perfectly. As I was leaving him he gave me the red bag and in it were three valentine’s gifts. My little heart melted because I am a sucker for anything thoughtful. Overall I was impressed with him.  I have to admit I am still a little weary of him as he had cheated on his ex-girlfriend (who until this day is still is unaware of him cheating) I asked him about it, phrasing the question as “Would you ever cheat on me?” his answer was “No, you’d never give me a reason to.” Umm hmmm yea right.. lol.. Stay tuned for more from him, I am sure he’ll stick around for a while.

Camera Ready – Date #3 Mr. Hook Up

I’ve let friends hook me up in the past and it never goes well, which is why I usually turn down any requests to hook me up. This time I decided to say yes, because 30 dates with 30 different people is a lot and I thought I could use all the help I could get. That being said I let a good friend of mine hook me up with this guy she works with. She had mentioned him before, how nice he was and that he was looking for someone, but I never paid it any attention.

She gave me his number last week and I gave him a call. The first conversation went well, so we started talking on the regular basis. The weather here has been really bad every weekend so we had to squeeze some time in during the week for our first meeting. I only saw him briefly once at a party and he seemed kind of cute so I was looking forward to our meet and greet.

We met after one of my classes at a restaurant in the area; we had to stay close to home because his daughter wasn’t feeling too well. When I saw him I was pleasantly surprised. He looks to be about 6 feet tall, brown skin with a bald head. We made a lot of small talk while checking each other out. The conversation over dinner flowed well, we made each other laugh and at the end of the date the good-bye hug was nice. (I just realized hugging during the winter just isn’t fun – we both had on sweaters and heavy coats so you can’t really feel the heat) He did the follow up text message at the end of the night, which was really cute and made plans to talk the next day. We are expecting a huge snow storm this weekend so I am not sure when we will be able to see each other again. I would like to go out with him again but he does have a few strikes against him: he has two kids by two different people and has been divorced recently. Not the ideal situation but he is to nice to just pass up. I was kind of hoping for a kiss at the end of the date – it’s been forever since I’ve been kissed but I played it cool and will have to wait for our next date. Life Lesson: Don’t make out with folks on the first date, it never ends well in those situations, at least it doesn’t for me.

And Scene.

ASK A MAN MONDAY

A 26 year old African American male, that works full time in finance. Recently single after a three year relationship.
If you have any questions you would like to ask please add them below and I will add them to next week’s list.

1. What attracts you to a woman?

Open-ness, non-stressful, not too emotional, sexuality, most important...an interest in me.

2. What do you think about a woman who puts out "too quickly"?

Not a thing...that doesnt mean anything, that just means she is very open with her sexuality...or could be that she is really just interested in the guy. I dont look into that too much.

3. Why do you think men cheat?

Self control issues and/or missing something.

4. Do you believe once a cheater always a cheater?

NOT AT ALL...i believe there is a particular reason for cheating and its not genetic so it can be changed.

5. What is the most important thing a man needs in a relationship?

Attentiveness..attention

6. Do you think about marriage?

Sure, who doesnt it.

7. What do you dislike about women?

Stubbornness, TOO TOO emotional (i can understand some) but that whole not letting stuff go, and being stuck in a certain mindframe about stuff

8. What was your most perfect relationship and what made it perfect?

Hmm...good one..I cant necessarily explain that because I dont consider any relationship I have had to be perfect or I would still be in it.

9. Why do you think so many black women are single?

Not looking at the right dudes.. radars are not working properly to give the right dudes a chance...again, also, stubbornness

10. What makes a healthy relationship to you?

Compromise, willingness to accept, willingness to let go, attentiveness, attention to each other, trust, honesty, HAPPINESS

Camera Ready: Date #1- Mr. TMI

I have to admit I was a little apprehensive about my first time out the gate while embarking upon this experiment. We went to a dinner lounge in our neighborhood last night. When I walked in the door he already had two drinks in his hands and neither one was for me. He’s a decent looking guy, with a little work I think I he could be handsome. We decided to sit at the bar, which is great for a first date because if things aren’t going well it’s an easy out. Conversation started out pretty good then took a turn for the worse. I will admit that I am a head strong person with lots of opinions, this is the number one reason I shouldn’t date lawyers – they like to argue. Now you don’t have to agree with me on everything I am fine with agreeing to disagree and finding a more pleasant topic. I tried this method several times and he just kept getting stuck on certain issues. Eventually the conversation got back on track and we ended up talking longer than I thought we would.
He stepped out to take a smoke break, which left little ole me sitting at the bar all alone. While he was out another gentleman walked in saw me at the bar, made some small talk and gave me his business card. I informed him that I was on a date but that I was indeed single and free to see whomever I want. I am going to give him a call today because I have a long way to 30.
Overall it was a decent outing but I doubt we will go out again. There really wasn’t any real chemistry and to be honest I think he smokes and drinks a little more than I am comfortable with. So I guess it’s on to the next one.
Oh yeah and I forgot to mention the highlight of the date – I saw Gary Williams at the bar!! I walked in like holy smokes is that Gary Williams? If you wonder why I was so excited, I went to Univ of Maryland College Park and the year we won the championship was my senior year. My boy GW took us all the way. GOOO TERPS.

And Scene!!

Fully Equipped Barbie: Date #1: Mr. Barbie's Dream Car

I stepped way outside my comfort zone on this one. The girls and I ventured out on a rainy afternoon to a sports bar. We figured it would be a great way to start cultivating our leads. The sports bar turns out to be a perfect place to meet men. For many reasons, the male to female ratio is about 5:1, another plus is actually knowing something about sports. I was cheering when a false start was called on the opposing team and when the team was first and ten,... from me cheering I noticed more guys noticing me. (Some were shocked I was cheering against their team..*side note my team won!) I believe knowing about the game set us apart from the other women who were just walking around to get noticed.
I saw a guy sitting at the bar and I asked the waitress for a piece of paper and a pen. So I wrote my name and number on the paper along with a short message (per the advice of Spidey Senses) the message said "next time WE should meet here." I gave the waitress instructions; "If he is wearing a ring or with the woman sitting beside him do not give him the note" and off see went on my mini mission. She gave him the note and said I was the woman sitting in the gray and he sent word back with her.. He told her to tell me "That sounds like a plan."
I continued talking to the girls and laughing and I noticed out of the corner of my eye him approaching my table. I made sure that before I locked eyes with him I gave a very feminine laugh, showing all of my teeth and my one dimple :) He comes to my side and engages me in a conversation, telling me his name and he appreciated my note. The entire time I have strong eye contact with him, I am listening to what he is saying and I am leaning into him and even touching his arm with my hand in a playful way. I gave off the impression that I was not only interested, I was warm and a good listener. We talk for about 10 minutes and he noticed the girls putting on their coats and decides to break the conversation. He tells me "I'm sure we will talk later." and he extends his hand for a handshake and I lean in and give him a hug. About 30 mins later I receive a text message that said "Your hugs are amazing..OMG!"

That night he gives me a call and we talk for 3 1/2 hours! The conversation flowed through politics, relationships, work, goals and friendships. He was an attractive man, wore glasses that were BCBG, very clean cut facial hair, nicely dressed at the sports bar, bald head. I asked him how old he was and he told me 42..which I was surprised being that I had pegged him at 35 or 36. He stated that he worked out at least 4 times a week, vacations alot, lives a healthy lifestyle and he does not smoke. Please note this difference in age is OUTSIDE of my comfort zone.
He explains to me that most of his friends are married and their wives keep them on a short chain. I ask him to explain. Apparently the men were dishonest in their relationships, in turn the women don't allow them to go out hence why he was at the sports bar alone. He says that the women are insecure in their relationships and this insecurity pushes the husbands towards dishonesty again because there is no breathing in the relationship. I must admit this was an interesting concept.
I asked him why he was single and he goes on to explain that women that he has dated in the past work very hard to get his attention and affection and when they feel they sealed the deal does not do the things they should in order to keep their man happy. So they no longer do the things that they USE to do to get them and apparently this is important in order to keep them. He is also waiting for Love.

Before the conversation ended for the night he asked me if I was interested in getting together tomorrow for lunch. Typically I would say no, in the past I never made myself too available for a guy. Since I am traveling outside my comfort zone I agreed to meet for lunch. So he told me he would text me before noon to let me know where. The next day as promised he texted me before noon to make sure I was still interested in going to eat, and what time I would be available. We agreed to meet around 2ish. I was of course late and I parked and noticed that I parked next to him. He was driving a shiny black Mercedes with sunglasses on and looked pretty cool. So he came around the driver side of my car and opened my door and we walked in together. I noticed that he was much more figgity than the day before. During lunch he revisited some of the conversations from last night and elaborated on it, and I also found out he had a child that lived in another state (another comfort zone test) I kept cool and listened to some stories about his family. I think speaking in detail before going out was helpful because we had alot to talk about. I also noticed during the date that his eye contact wasn't as strong as the day before. Alot of his picky tendencies began to show (he was a self proclaimed neat freak.) As we were leaving he opened the doors and walked me to my car and I gave him a hug and we talked a little bit in very close physical proximity. He gave me a kiss (no tongue) and he smiled and kept talking while rubbing my hand. He was very attentive the entire time. He asked me what I was doing later, and offered for me to come over before going back home to relax. I declined, stating that I had to get back home to prepare for the next day. I think it is too early for "home visits"...This one will likely have a repeat date..(which does not count towards the other 29 dates) so stay tuned for more Barbie and Mr. Barbie's Dream Car adventures.

Right Now, Is Always the Best Time.

Dating is difficult as it is, but somehow you've manage to prepare yourself for a meet and greet to possibly start a full-filling relationship. You've read your books, magazines, blogs, talked to your girlfriends and even said a little prayer that included a special plea to ensure that you do not spill your wine all over your new outfit that you just bought for this special occasion. You go over talking points in your head and maybe even take a shot of alcohol in the car before you go into the restaurant. All of these emotions from excitement, to anxiety covers the emotional spectrum of dating. This blog will serve as a memoir of two women's journey into the dating world. We will be going on 30 dates a piece between now and September (60 dates total). In preparation for this we've cleared out our phones and threw caution to the wind. We will recount the dates with our male suitors with every detail to what we wore and where we went to interesting factoids about our dates. This blog will serve as an experimental relationship and dating how to guide discussing where to go to meet new men, preparation for first dates and even some tricks on flirting and attracting men.
Often as women we find articles and professionals that tell US what we need to do in order to attract, date, attain, and marry the man of our dreams. Well what about the guys? What do THEY need to know about us to attract, date, attain and marry us?
As we step out of our comfort zone we will boldly experience interracial dating, dating the man with children, throwing away our checklist of our ideal perfect man, dating older men, and so on to find what everyone in this world needs...Love.

You can follow each woman's dating experience through our self identifying names in each title.

Please feel free to leave us feedback, and questions!

Questions for us? Email us at DivasofComfortZone@gmail.com