Dating outside our race

I stubbled upon yet another article encouraging black women to starting looking outside their race in an effort to find love and get married. Just another food for thought moment that's worth taking a look at.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/02/24/AR2010022405727.html?hpid%3Dartslot&sub=AR

Camera Ready: RTD Bedtime Stories

Sometimes I feel like the Prince from Cinderella. I have my glass slipper, I’ve let several people try it on and no one seems to fit it. I know the person who it’s made for is out there, my mate has already been picked for me by the Lord. But I am growing tired of letting folks try my precious slipper on. Other times I feel like Goldilocks eating the porridge. One is to hot and the other too cold I just want to find the one that is just right. I go out with one guy but it seems the chemistry just isn’t there and then I go out with someone else and he is just ready to go right now but I know deep down I don’t feel the same way.

I know I am not even at the halfway mark on this journey, but there are times when I look at the couples around me and I just want that same level of comfort you have from spending quality time with that special someone. But alas, I must push through this, the journey will continue. I am going out a few times this weekend so hopefully I will meet someone interesting who I have a spark with. That’s what I am missing right now a spark or some kind of fire to get things going. On the other hand I have to keep in mind that sometimes a fire can leave you burned. Just food for thought.

Camera Ready: Mr. Hook Up - Take 2

I went out with Mr. Hook Up again this weekend. The snow storms made it hard for us to get together after our first date. First we had dinner at his place, he made pasta and I made dessert. We listened to music and made conversation while we ate. He is a big music lover and I thought this would be a great chance to introduce him to a few artists that I really like that I knew he hadn’t heard of. It was a great connection point for the two of us. Overall it was real chill the food was good and then we were off to see Chrisette Michelle. So all in all this should have been a great date, emphasis on SHOULD. While we were at the venue waiting for her to hit the state there were a lot of long breaks in conversation. This was a bit awkward and I had to keep the conversation rolling. I know I need a man that can pick up the conversation sometimes and carry it along but I don’t think that is his thing. On the ride home the conversation did pick up a bit as the topic was dating and our past mistakes. After the concert we went back to his place so I could pick my car and I just knew that he was getting my kiss or something. And you know what I got nada not even a hug. I was really confused, like really no hug all night long and no kiss. I questioned if we had chemistry but I was trying to wait until he kissed me before I passed judgment. At this point I doubt that we do and I don’t see the two of us hanging out together again. I refuse to be the aggressor, I believe a man should be a man and if he is so scared of rejection that he can’t make the first move then he isn’t the guy for me. Oh well my quest for a kiss continues,I wonder how many dates I will have to go through before I get my first kiss? Hmmm. So as Jigga would say I guess it’s on to the next one.

And scene.

Fully Equipped Barbie: Date #2: Mr. Back then you didn't want me, Now I'm hot they all on me.

 

Facebook is truly something else. Facebook is the social networking tool that allows you to reconnect with long lost relatives, high school friends, coworkers, and college buddies. Well, facebook hooks up dates as well because that is how my number 2 reconnected with me. We knew each other from high school, we weren’t really close, or didn’t even talk much as I recall. I knew him from knowing his friend and it was nothing more than that. He had been on my friend list for a long time. I don’t even remember adding him, just remembered his face from high school and accepted the request maybe a year or so ago.  Over the past year I had been adding my professional images to the site in its own little album. I knew the album drove a lot of traffic because as I traveled to see friends or go to events such as weddings people would come up to me and comment on how they loved my pictures..even if they never made a formal comment on a specific picture. Well one morning at work I was having a HORRIBLE start to my day and I received a message from number 2 that was very sweet and sincere. I replied very simply telling him I appreciated him stopping by my page and most importantly showing me a little love. I got a little curious about him and checked out his page. I saw that he was in a long term relationship.  Like Jill Scott said she was “cute but not as fine as me though.” LOL About a week later he requested my BBM pin and I gave it to him and we started messaging each other. The conversations were very generic at first then more in detail later on. About 3 weeks ago he BBM’d me stating he just broke up with his girl. I told him I was sorry to hear that and let me know if he ever needed someone to talk to.  He went away on travel for work and began texting me more so I asked him to call me one night. I was curious as to who he had become since high school. That night we chatted on the phone for a long time. He works in finance, no children, in his 20s, and is what I call a “Chubby Chaser” meaning he only dates plus size women. Our conversations over the two weeks were very smooth, we chatted about everything from our likes and dislikes, family to relationships and everyday situations.  I was extremely comfortable talking to him, and I often lost track of time. While he was away on travel for work we talked every night and often throughout the day.

He returned home two days before Valentine’s Day, he wanted to meet up and go out the night before Valentine’s Day and I agreed. I told him I would meet him close to his house and switch cars to go wherever. I got into his neighborhood and called to let him know where I was parked in less than 5 minutes he was calling me back asking where I was parked and which car was mine. I got out of my car and into his and gave him a big hug. He was smiling ear to ear.  As I hugged him I noticed there was a red bag with a bow on it in the back seat but I didn’t say anything. We then went to the movies, during the car ride there wasn’t much silence, the air was filled with laughing and conversation. He was a complete gentleman, asking me if I was comfortable, opening doors, and he paid for everything. After the movies we went to a restaurant to eat. He suggested different drink options and even asked for some controllers so we can participate in the electronic trivia game. We played 3 rounds of trivia and I found out that we were both competitive. (I won two of the three rounds of trivia) He paid for dinner and afterward we went to a lounge to enjoy some music and more drinks. We laughed and danced and overall had a great time. As he was driving me back to my car I felt extremely calm and still the conversation flowed perfectly. As I was leaving him he gave me the red bag and in it were three valentine’s gifts. My little heart melted because I am a sucker for anything thoughtful. Overall I was impressed with him.  I have to admit I am still a little weary of him as he had cheated on his ex-girlfriend (who until this day is still is unaware of him cheating) I asked him about it, phrasing the question as “Would you ever cheat on me?” his answer was “No, you’d never give me a reason to.” Umm hmmm yea right.. lol.. Stay tuned for more from him, I am sure he’ll stick around for a while.

Settling for Mr. Good Enough?

http://lifestyle.msn.com/your-life/video/default.aspx?vid=c1c07348-805f-46ad-81c4-caa3f13b1c0a

Disclaimer * I am not saying we should settle for Mr. Good Enough* I just thought the video clip was interesting and something to take a look. I like to get all the perspective I can during this journey so check it and see what you think.

Random Thought of the Day (RTD)

My random thought of the day: How soon do you discuss deal breakers? If you know something about someone that is a potential deal breaker when should you bring it up? I think it should be done before you feel yourself starting to fall for him/her, then again should you just let things naturally develop and give it a chance? This idea popped up in my mind as I just went out with someone with a hint of potential and I don't want to get all lost in the sauce just to come to the realization that I need something he just can't provide. Hmmmm...

Camera Ready – Date #3 Mr. Hook Up

I’ve let friends hook me up in the past and it never goes well, which is why I usually turn down any requests to hook me up. This time I decided to say yes, because 30 dates with 30 different people is a lot and I thought I could use all the help I could get. That being said I let a good friend of mine hook me up with this guy she works with. She had mentioned him before, how nice he was and that he was looking for someone, but I never paid it any attention.

She gave me his number last week and I gave him a call. The first conversation went well, so we started talking on the regular basis. The weather here has been really bad every weekend so we had to squeeze some time in during the week for our first meeting. I only saw him briefly once at a party and he seemed kind of cute so I was looking forward to our meet and greet.

We met after one of my classes at a restaurant in the area; we had to stay close to home because his daughter wasn’t feeling too well. When I saw him I was pleasantly surprised. He looks to be about 6 feet tall, brown skin with a bald head. We made a lot of small talk while checking each other out. The conversation over dinner flowed well, we made each other laugh and at the end of the date the good-bye hug was nice. (I just realized hugging during the winter just isn’t fun – we both had on sweaters and heavy coats so you can’t really feel the heat) He did the follow up text message at the end of the night, which was really cute and made plans to talk the next day. We are expecting a huge snow storm this weekend so I am not sure when we will be able to see each other again. I would like to go out with him again but he does have a few strikes against him: he has two kids by two different people and has been divorced recently. Not the ideal situation but he is to nice to just pass up. I was kind of hoping for a kiss at the end of the date – it’s been forever since I’ve been kissed but I played it cool and will have to wait for our next date. Life Lesson: Don’t make out with folks on the first date, it never ends well in those situations, at least it doesn’t for me.

And Scene.

ASK A MAN MONDAY

A 26 year old African American male, that works full time in finance. Recently single after a three year relationship.
If you have any questions you would like to ask please add them below and I will add them to next week’s list.

1. What attracts you to a woman?

Open-ness, non-stressful, not too emotional, sexuality, most important...an interest in me.

2. What do you think about a woman who puts out "too quickly"?

Not a thing...that doesnt mean anything, that just means she is very open with her sexuality...or could be that she is really just interested in the guy. I dont look into that too much.

3. Why do you think men cheat?

Self control issues and/or missing something.

4. Do you believe once a cheater always a cheater?

NOT AT ALL...i believe there is a particular reason for cheating and its not genetic so it can be changed.

5. What is the most important thing a man needs in a relationship?

Attentiveness..attention

6. Do you think about marriage?

Sure, who doesnt it.

7. What do you dislike about women?

Stubbornness, TOO TOO emotional (i can understand some) but that whole not letting stuff go, and being stuck in a certain mindframe about stuff

8. What was your most perfect relationship and what made it perfect?

Hmm...good one..I cant necessarily explain that because I dont consider any relationship I have had to be perfect or I would still be in it.

9. Why do you think so many black women are single?

Not looking at the right dudes.. radars are not working properly to give the right dudes a chance...again, also, stubbornness

10. What makes a healthy relationship to you?

Compromise, willingness to accept, willingness to let go, attentiveness, attention to each other, trust, honesty, HAPPINESS